Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Wow - it's been a while



So I ventured into blogland and saw that my last post was way back in January. Long before my world changed. So I figured I'd post a little bit, maybe a lot once I get going.

I thought during the last post that we were going thru one of the worst possible things ever. I laugh now at how wrong I was.

I'm happy to report that Kayla is doing well. Her hair has grown back, she's now back in school and she's still doing maintenance chemo. Next July she should be having a "cancer free" party. Yay!

But as most of you know in August Mike, our Mike, was on the helicopter August 6 that was shot down in Afghanistan. The week before Bre and I had been talking about my 50th birthday next October and how I would most likely be on Tybee Island watching my kid get married. I wanted Mike to wear his dress whites and she was adamantly against it. The morning of August 6th we'd been texting about the Glee Project, I told her I was jumping in the shower getting ready for a cousin's surprise birthday party. I'd just gotten out of the shower and gotten dressed when the phone rang, it was a number I didn't recognize and I ignored it as someone had posted my number on craigslist as selling a large parrot cage and I was not answering strange numbers. They called twice more. Then the phone rang with Bre's number coming up - I answered it with my goofy Hellllooooo thinking she had another thing to add about the Glee Project. A man (whom later I would meet and be introduced to as her CACO, Matt Bieker) asked if this was "Dawnya" and my heart stopped as I could hear Bre wailing in the background. Instantly I thought she'd been in an accident. I answered yes, is that Bre is she alright. He replied that Mike Strange had been killed in Afghanistan and he was there with Bre. My mind froze for a minute and I told him that wasn't possible. Then I told him to let me speak to Bre. He handed her the phone and all she could do was whimper. I told her I was on the first plane out, asked for Matt and told him that somebody better stay with her, I was on my way. I think Delta kicked someone off when I called to make flight arrangements, they were awesome. That was the longest trip of my life. Bre met my mom and I at the airport and when I dropped my bags and ran to her she was shaking like a leaf. I'd worried all the way out what to say, what to do - the reports were on every television in each airport and it just got bigger and bigger. I just whispered that I was there.

Over the first days that passed it was like moving thru water, everything slightly out of focus and very robotic. My main focus was making sure she ate and keep track of everything that was happening. Matt gave us info on what was happening, how it had happened, when they would bring the men home and set up an appt for her with the Command's psychologist.

Three days after the downing they brought them home. We were flown to Dover where the repatriating of the men happens when someone gets killed over there. There usually one suppose to be 3 family members there but this was such a big deal they eased up on that. When we got there the Secret Service and dogs were all over the place. We were held in a large room with all of the other families. Mike's family was one of the last to arrive, they'd been escorted by the Philly PD from Philly as Mike's mom is a police officer. We were suppose to be meeting for the first time at a wedding, not this way.

Obama walked into the room and talked to each individual person with either a shake or a hug. I found myself with my nose in his armpit and wished I was anywhere else for any other reason. I have a picture of us that looks like I'm crying but all I remember saying was I wanted the son of a bitch that did this head on a pike. He said he could promise the pike but they'd get them and we'd know. He also said "if there's anything he could ever do". We'll see.

After that we were lead to a large hangar. It took 2 large transport planes to bring them all back. We sat in folded chairs as the President, Leon Panetta and others stood at attention as each coffin was solemnly taken off the plane and transported to a waiting white ambulance-like vehicle. Four coffins per vehicle. It took three hours and the President never moved except to salute each coffin. At first it was hard as you didn't know which was Mike as no one had been positively identified, so you imagined each one as Mike but then as with time went on you just became numb. Bre held up well, well - let's say she mentally checked out for a while, it was her way of coping.

We were told that Mike was one of the most recognizable, but we also knew that one of the caskets held remains from numerous men and they would most likely be buried like that. She was told that viewing would not be an option, so most recognizable took on a new meaning.

She had received a note from the last guy that had seen Mike - that was still alive - Dan. He said that he was on watch and that when the call came in for the mission that Lou - the CO told him to grab Strange - "tell him if he can be ready in 5 he's with us tonight". Mike had been on missions for the past 3 nights and was suppose to be down that night. Dan found him in his tent reading his English text - he was taking an online class - and said if you can be ready in 5 Lou wants you. Mike's response was "hell yeah". Dan helped him get his gear on and put him on the bus taking him to the helo.

The report says that the rear rotor was hit by an rpg upon take off after successfully completing the mission. That the blast would have either knocked them unconscious or that the spin of the helo would have stopped their hearts and they probably never knew anything. I hope this is true. They were only 300 yrds off the ground. Mike once told his mom, don't worry about me over there, I'm the guy that goes in after the shooting has stopped. The only place I'm really in danger is on the helicopter. --

I'm stopping for now - I'm writing this more for me I guess, so if you've read this far I'm sorry it's so jumbled.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Deep Breathe



Ok - so it's been a while since I posted.




One thing I've learned about myself by having a blog, when I'm depressed or tired or blah I tend to not write or talk alot.




It's just been one of those periods. I don't have alot of blue moods but this one has been an extended one. *sigh




Alot of stress had to do with the person that used to be my sister. Still trying to figure out how to legally change the sister status. I guess Facebook relations will have to do. :)




But more than anything has been Kayla. When all this started in July we read a lot and educated ourselves on leukemia and what to expect. While that's all good and well there's nothing that can prepare you emotionally. And after 5 months of just hair lightly shedding we all thought that she was going to be in that very low percentage of people that don't go bald. One more month and she goes on maintenance and we thought she'd be in the clear. But Sunday she woke up and most - I'm talking massive amounts of hair was left on her pillow. By Tuesday she was 3/4 bald. She was having major meltdowns because of it - she's 14 afterall. Her Mom is getting married Friday (which is a whole different story) and Saturday tons of people will be at the "After the wedding" reception. And here Kayla is - bald, AND with a moonface from all the prednisone. Major meltdown fuel. So Lori took her down and had her head shaved and they went and bought a wig.




This is the pic that sucker punched me and took my breathe away:






















But then a few hours later, we have a smiling girl back:


My 19th Anniversary is coming up on the 19th so I'm using that date to shake off all the crud and find my energy and enthusiasm again. But until then I'm just going to wallow for a bit more in self-pity, k?

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Take two

I had this oh so long, funny, informative post yesterday and blogger decided it wasn't good enough so *poof* away it went into the blogosphere never to be seen from again. *whimper

This one won't be long, funny or informative. Just warning you.

Had a great time with Kayla and Ashley. She showed no interest in crocheting but continuously beat my butt at Wii. The one time that I won she looked at me and said "Really? You'd beat a kid with cancer?". Brat. Loved Brat.

Mike and Bre made it here safe and home again safe. The inbetween time was great. We had Thanksistmas here at the house. I'm not saying it went off without a hitch, because what holiday is complete without a hitch or two. Like my mother saying she would bring the ham and at the last minute letting me know that she was too tired to do the ham. And then dealing with the mother-in-law not having ham and hearing how she didn't like turkey. Needless to say the mother figure will not be relied on again and is only allowed to bring non-essential items to holiday dinners. Like, say, saltine crackers. Nobody would miss saltine crackers, right?

Then we all headed to the cabin. Beautiful weather, fun family and friends, big bonfire. And a little thing I like to call the Oklahoma Polar Bear Express, or OPBE or even Dawnya's Dumbass Idea. I said earlier in the year - like in July when it's hotter than Hades and it's been long enough to forget how cold it gets - that I was going to jump in the river the Saturday after Tday. So come Friday night I'm hearing a lot of "you won't do it's". I've never grown up past the point of not doing something that someone says I won't do it in that I dare you tone. AND - I had talk to the owner of the cabin that had said that the water was actually warmer than the surrounding air so I wouldn't be cold until I got out. So thinking I had one up on everyone - AND - having talked my gullible sister-in-law into doing this with me come Saturday morning we sprinted out of our nice warm beds and ran and jumped into the river. That man that owns the cabin? He's a freaking LIAR!! Holy mother of all that's good - that water was freaking cold. I lost my breathe and my toes went numb in about 2 seconds flat!

Thank goodness the cabin has two showers! And plenty of hot water!

Aren't you glad this second post about the same crap is so much shorter? :)

Happy Holidays!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Odds and ends again - or maybe it's just odds

Got the inside of the house decorated. Rob's promised to get the outside lights hung before I get back. He's also making an extra leaf for my table as we're having quite a few people for T-day this year. Good man! I think I'll keep him.

Lori's gone to Mexico for a short vacation, so I'm staying with Kayla and Ashley for 3 days. I have to admit, I worry about walking that edge of being an over-protective mom while Lori's gone. I plan on cleaning her house while she's gone. You can tell she's been overwhelmed, so I figure that's one gift easily given.

I've brought my crocheting with me, thinking maybe I can get Kayla interested. She's been so blah, bored and down lately that maybe something none tiring will get her out of the doldrums. I can't imagine how it feels to be a 14 yr old stuck at home, feeling like crap but at the same time being bored out of your mind.

Hope everyone's Thanksgiving plans are coming together!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Home Sweet Home

I've spent this week up at the hospital with my mother. 5 kidney stones removed. Ouch.
I'm tired of hospital food, hospital air and hospital hours, among other things.

I'm starting to decorate the house for Christmas. We're celebrating Christmas on Thanksgiving on my side of teh family. I'm staying with Kayla for 5 days in the middle of the month, so I need to get it done before then. I need a list that I can start checking off. :)

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I'm 48 - REALLY?

What the hell happened and where did 20 years of my life go? I don't feel 48, well maybe I do, but when you're 28 you think 48 is oooollllld. And I don't feel oooolllld. We're not counting those mornings, mkay?

Anywhoos, the birthday day was fun. Cook out on the river. Rob made fried mushrooms and balsamic onions and grilled sliders on Hawaiian rolls. It was a beautiful day and the river was peaceful. Had a good croquet match. I will never be generous with Dennis Patrick again and that boy is being "sent" anytime I get the chance!

Kayla's counts are still very low - 275. To start this next round of chemo they need to be 750. They're giving her another week off. The Dr said counts are usually this low at this point in the treatment but that given that they gave her last week off treatment she was hoping to see a bigger bounce back. That's worrisome. And I hate that she has such low counts now that flu season is kicking off. So say some prayers or send good thoughts.

I'm in the process of crocheting scarves for Christmas. I was in the mall a few weeks ago and it looked like crocheted scarves were "in". So for my twin nieces and Bre I'm crocheting scarves for their stocking stuffers. I purchased some very funky and fun yarn online and I have all these buttons from my grandmother so I'm going to use a few in each scarf as adornment.

I bought a black leather shag rug for the living room. Deep cleaning before I put it down. Hopefully the dogs doesn't think it's one big chew toy. I have one under the dining room table that they leave alone but it's smaller and sits underneath something. I don't have a coffee table yet so it'll be wide open.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Birthdays Week and Poached Eggs

This is Birthday week - as I previously posted this was the BFF's 40th, my Mom's is today and mine is Saturday.

I spent the day with my mom at the hospital yesterday. She had a kidney stone that wouldn't pass. She's recuperating today. In a few weeks we'll do it all over again for her other kidney. Fun! No fun birthday for her this year.

Saturday Rob's throwing me a cookout at the river. This. I am looking forward too!

And on a different note - I find myself loving poached eggs. I owe it all to Gordon Ramsey. He always makes a big deal out of a perfectly poached egg, so I took that as a personal challenge. I googled and researched and watched some youtube videos. And then attempted my first poached egg. And then I attempted again - as the first on was a complete failure. By my seventh egg I was a egg poaching machine. They're so silky - I had to search for that word - no grease - egg white cooked thru - yellow warm and runny. Some salt and fresh cracked pepper and yummy! I think Rob is getting a bit burnt out on all the poachy goodness, but I think if I can make a good eggs benedict he'll be happy again. :) Off to watch a few youtubes.